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The Spicy Rat Caper Transcript
Andy: Hi, everyone, welcome back to Outside Xbox, I'm Andy joined by Jane, Luke and Ellen from Outside Xtra and Johnny from Eurogamer. And we're going to do something really special, it's another part of our two million subscribers celebration, one of the most requested things people have been asking us to do is play Dungeons and Dragons. Andy: So we're going to do that thing, that I just said and we're all actually quite excited because we've never played before, has anyone played before? shakes their head, Johnny raises his hand Andy: Johnny has played before, Johnny: '''Yes. '''Andy: Johnny is running the game for us, he's our DM because he's played before. Luke: And he knows everything about tabletop gaming and DMing. Johnny: We'll row back a little bit from that, this is my third time running Dungeons and Dragons but I've played a lot of pen and paper games in my own time. So yeah this should go quite well, forgive me if I make any mistakes along the way. If there are any hardcore D&D fans watching, be kind. Luke: Johnny, you're not going to be the one annoying the hardcore D&D fans in this situation. laughs Andy: '''That sounds pretty fair. '''Johnny: I knew I could count on you. Jane: '''throwing dice Weeeee dice! WEEEEE!!! '''Andy: Have you seen ''these dice?! They've got so many sides! '''Ellen': They are so cool! Luke: I think I'll stick to the six-sided ones. Johnny: You're holding a D12 laughing Andy: I mean, It's already going excellent. Johnny: Off to a good start. Andy: Let's crack on with our exciting adventure. Johnny: So I thought the best thing to do first and foremost is for each person to go around the table and just tell us about their character, what they look like, any important things you may need to know. Johnny: Some of your backstory if you want to share it, if you don't want to share it, that is fine. Just give everyone sort an idea of who you are and what you do. Luke: My character is a half orc bard called Dob.. Andy: Is that an acronym? Luke: No Johnny: '''Dethaniel of Birth chuckles '''Luke: '''Let me explain.. so Dob was raised in a modest homestead in a mountainous and remote region by his older sister. Uh...his parents weren't around and he didn't know much about them. His older sister mostly spent her time in the woods hunting and foraging for things to eat and... poultices.. '''Luke: Anyway... one day Dob was playing outside near the house and a wolf jumped out and bit him and the wolf had rabies and he got infected, which was terrible and you know, they're all alone like in the wilderness so his older sister, she decided she would set out for the nearest human settlement to try and find medicine and Dob was only very little so he didn't really understand what was going on. So he stayed behind, she left, and she never came back. Luke: So he was forced to basically raise himself and those were really dark and hungry and difficult years for Dob and his only memory of his older sister was the lullaby she used to sing to him. "awe" Jane: Sing it! Luke '''*Starts humming We Like To Party by the Venga Boys* laugh '''Luke: This is what we humans call The Vengabus Johnny: You need to go to sleep now, come on, you're dreaming deep now. Luke: Your older sister's sleepy, tomorrow she goes hunting. '' '''Luke': Okay, so... eventually years later, Dob set out for the human settlement. Of course he didn't know where it is, he doesn't know where anything is. He has no bearing, when he got to the nearest town, the first thing he did was to steal a lute and to pick out on it the melody that he remembered so he wouldn't forget it. Andy: The Melody of the Vengabus... Luke: Yeah, the melody of the lullaby of the Vengabus. He got a proficiency in the lute, he listened to other bards in the taverns and he ripped off their songs and... Laughter Luke: No it's fine, artists steal, it's fine. Luke: He "borrowed" their songs and their stories and he got better and better at it. He was very surprised to learn that he could do magic when he did the magic music, so that was good. And yeah. and that's Dob, he's a wandering half orc-bard. He's extremely big and strong I think, stronger than he should be, Johnny was telling me, by his stats. Johnny: Your stats rolled incredibly well, to be honest. Luke: Classic Dob. Yeah, Dob here, ready to rock or lullaby. Johnny: 'Ready to rock you to sleep hums '''Johnny: '''Alright, next. '''Jane: '''Prudence! '''Andy: '''Prudence. "ooooohs" '''Jane: '''Don't laugh... Umm was a foundling baby who was abandoned by her human parents, because... she looks like a devil baby. laugh '''Jane: '''She has like rusty red skin, pointy teeth, she's got a five-foot tail, it wasn't five-foot then, and... she's got Antelope-like, curving horns. '''Andy: '''Cool! '''Luke: '''Nice! '''Jane: '''She's a Tiefling. She was adopted by an ambitted warlock. ''Hermit ''warlock. Human, a human, who lived in a cave, and didn't ''really ''want a devil baby, but waddya gonna do? '''Jane: '''He named her because he though Prudence was a funny name for a devil baby, he wasn't very nice. chuckle '''Luke: '''Awe (in a sad, pitying way) '''Jane: '''And... then she grew up in a cave, and when she, you know, hit her rebellious teenage phase, she just ran off, and discovered that everyone is really, ''really ''Tiefling racist. No one likes Tieflings '''Luke: '''Not cool '''Jane: '''So, she came back to the cave, and just like spitefully made a pact with Cthulhu, the Destroyer of Worlds. '''Andy: '''Ok nice. '''Jane: '''And he is her warlock patron. '''Andy: '''Sweet. '''Jane: '''Ok. So... she's a freelance warlock nowadays. Roving, freelance warlock. Uhhh... Doesn't like people very much, ''likes ''being a warlock. And... her... ''pact... ''with Cthulhu- somedays- requires, you know, like a blood sacrifice,. Somedays, Cthulhu just wants her to like rearrange the furniture in an arcane... configuration and Johnny chuckle '''Jane: '''To unknowable... ethereal ends. '''Andy: '''Sure '''Luke: '''Good to have you aboard, Prudence. '''Jane: '''Yeah. music begins playing '''Andy: '''My character is a rogue pirate called Corazón De León. '''Luke: '''What does that mean, Andy? '''Andy: '''It means heart of lion. lion-heart. '''Jane: '''What does he look like? '''Andy: '''Uhhh... He's a human, uhhmm he's a pirate. Y'know, hairy. '''Luke: '(chuckling) Sure 'Jane: '''Hairy. laughs '''Jane: '''I'm imaging... yeah. All hair. chuckles '''Andy: '''Yup. '''Luke: '''Always just about hair. laughs '''Andy: '''Beard, eyepatch, the whole deal... '''Jane: '''Ok '''Andy: '''Situation. '''Jane: '''Ok. '''Andy: '''And as far as any of you know, he's always been like that. Don't... look into it, though. '''Luke: '''Oh my gosh. Ok well... '''Jane: '''So mysterious! '''Andy: '''That's me, Corazón De León. '''Luke: '''Mysterious. Can we trust him? '''Jane: '''No. '''Luke: '''I mean, we know we can't trust you Jane. that's the advantage. "throws" her hands as a shrug '''Ellen: '''I... am... a wood elf... called ''Merilwen. ''My character. And... she is a Druid, having a natural affinity with the woods, having grown up there and just, a ''real ''affinity with animals. '''Ellen: '''Uhmm... When she was uhh... -she's got keen eyesight- So when she was growing up, she learned to hunt. Obviously, with a respect, you know, for nature, so she never went OTT, you know. And one day, though, while she was... practicing with her bow and arrow and seeing a buck she was gonna go for, uhmm... would've, you know, really really done for a nice feast back in uhh.. (chuckles) in... in the town. (Laughs) '''Andy: '''She's got an affinity for animals... '''Ellen: '''Yeah yeah yeah. '''Luke: '''She's also got an affinity for feasts. '''Ellen: '''So she only kills what she needs to... '''Luke: '''Nothing is wasted. '''Jane: '''She uses every part. '''Luke: '''Yes. '''Ellen: '''She uses every part, etc. '''Luke: '''Even the bum. (All laugh) '''Ellen: '(still laughing) oh wow Luke. '''Andy: ''Especially the bum. '''Luke: '(Laughing) I was trying to think of animal parts you don't need. Sorry. Keep going. (All still chuckling) Johnny: 'The teeth? '''Luke: '(pauses to think) No, there are necklaces 'Johnny: '''Oh, fair. '''Andy: '(snickering) Make a necklaces out of a bum. (Andy and Ellen laugh) 'Luke: '''Sorry, go on Ellen. '''Ellen: '''Well while she was aiming, she spotted some rustling in some leaves nearby. And... on closer inspection, with her keen eyes, she saw that it was... an animal that was trapped, and... she went down to see what it was-whether it was in a snare or something. It was just caught in some barbed wire someone had dumped. Someone had come into their woods and dumped barbed wire. And... on closer inspection, it was a small, wild cat. And uh, so this cat was just ''not. ''It had barbed wire caught around it's neck, and it would've tried to scratch your face off it could've reached. '''Ellen: '''But because of her affinity animals and her ability to ''speak ''to them, she calmed him down, and she helped free him. Because of this, she gained his loyalty. And... uh they grew a strong bond, and she called it Simon. '''Ellen: 'she Doesn't care about the law if she's angry. Let's just say about that. And she does not ''like people being mean to animals. '''Ellen: '''You know, as an elf, she lives for a very long time. she's still quite young for a wood elf, but obviously wild cats don't live very long. And uhh... when... little Simon passed away... '''Luke: '(in despair) What?! I thought he was going to be the team pet! chuckles 'Ellen: '''Little Simon passed away... Merilwen learned her first... animal... '''Jane: '''Resurrection spell. '''Ellen: '''No! No... laugh '''Ellen: '''Alright, ''warlock! 'Johnny: '(miming slamming fists onto table) NECROMANCE IT!!! 'Andy: '(Stretching arms) You know, Cthulhu could sort that right out. laugh 'Andy: '''Just saying... '''Johnny: '''It would come back a ''bit ''tentacle-ey but... laugh '''Jane: '''So... '''Ellen: '''Merilwen learned... her first... animal transformation. A wild cat. gasp '''Johnny: '''Oh yeah. I should point out, that everyone is a level one character so, ''technically, ''Ellen shouldn't be allowed to transform into an animal, but I thought, "Stuff it! It's fun." So, ''Yes she can! TO BE ADDED (Ended at timestamp '''9:32 of Dungeons & Dragons: Oxventure Begins! (Ep. 1 of 3) MEET THE PARTY) Category:Transcripts